He already knows...

Do you ever wonder why a loving, omnipotent God would give us free will? He already knows our choices won't always be for our own good. He already knows that some of our suffering will be caused by our own faulty decisions.

Have you had a child or been a child that's gone against parental advice? As a parent, we so want to hang on tight, give our best, keep our children from harm. Because when they hurt, we hurt. But we know that release must come. The letting go must happen in order for them to grow and mature.

The same goes with our Heavenly Father. He gave us freedom to choose, but sometimes our hearts and minds are so fragile, so broken, that we can't help but make the wrong choice.

That's why we need a Savior.

That's why His sacrifice becomes so personal.

Because we can't always help ourselves. And He knows the hurt it will cause.

I know that I know that He can take the deepest grief, the most difficult circumstance, the darkest day, and turn it.

Turn it towards hope and healing.

Turn it towards new life and a new ability to give that gift of Truth to someone else.

The process is never easy. It's hard, hard work, but worth-it work. The time it takes to heal well can seem endless, but the peace it brings will be priceless.

It's the time of year for giving gifts.

The perfect Gift has already been given.

Our choice is to receive Him.

"And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philipians 4:7

A Father

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling., God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:5-6

A grace extended and a promise fulfilled. My God has done just that. He has become my father in every sense of the word. He's always protected, always provided, always given His best to me. He's loved me enough to reign me in, to allow pain and suffering to mold and shape and circumstance to stretch me beyond what I ever believed I could bear. Because He loves like that.

My earthly father wasn't able. The choices he made allowed for very little presence in my life. I haven't spoken to him in , oh, maybe ten years. I'd hear word from my brother that he wasn't well, but neither was I. I'd pull that thought of calling close, but ultimately push it away time and again. Friends who knew would ask me,
"if he died and you haven't spoken, would you have regret?".

And so he has and no I don't.

I don't because I believe I will see him again. He told me of his Trust many years ago.

I don't because thoughts of him ever being a perfect father have long gone.

I don't because I am so deeply loved by The Father, that's it's made up for and healed the gaping wound I lived with for so long.

"Is he not your Father, your Creator, who made you and formed you?"
Deuteronomy 32:6

He is my Daddy.

It is His lap I curl up and rest in.

His strong arms lift me from the strife in this world.

So yes, there is grief. But it isn't the usual wrecking kind of grief a child feels when losing a parent. This is a temporary revisiting of the loss of not having him in the first place. A sadness for all he's missed in not really knowing me and my family; of my kids not having a knee-bouncing grandpa.

We all live with loss, big ones, small ones, everyday. But it's like pulling a cup of water from a pitcher. Once it's removed, God's perfect love fills it in seamlessly. We can live full and whole if we know the Filler.

Rest in peace William Louis Bargman.