Dreaming American

The American Dream....do you have it or are you so close you can almost touch it?



I was very much pursuing it without even knowing it. "How could you not know it?" you say. Because I didn't grow up with it and I wasn't a big dreamer. I had what I had (which wasn't much...a car payment and a little furniture) because I had earned it. Very little was given to me.




Until I met a very generous man and married him. He owned a home on a suburban street and gave me beautiful gifts...things I didn't even know I wanted! The want seed was planted and I watered it. A brand new bigger house, a newer bigger car, diamonds - WHAT? are you serious!




I'd never lived in a house that was owned. I didn't get a car when I was sixteen or a license for that matter. I went to work right out of high school, had the privilege of taking a few classes while I worked.....and lived. Day to day, week to week, month to month. I had enough for the essentials and the rare Ralph Lauren polo shirt - big deal in the early 80's!




If you've read the side bar, you already know the ending. The Dream was stopped short. It not only stopped, it crashed and burned. And in the process, almost all that I thought of as meaningful, became meaningless.




Now why would a loving God who had blessed a girl with such wealth and well-being, allow it to tumble? Don't think I wasn't wondering the same thing.




Have you ever heard someone say, "You don't know the place something holds in your heart until you lose it"?


So, so true.



And my heart wasn't getting bigger with all of the accumulation, it was getting smaller. More and more self-focused.



And He knew. He knew because He loved me and He pursued me and He wanted more for me.


You might think some of His methods are harsh and they are. We can't deny it. And if we focus on that, we will remain in the pain. Bitterness, anger and hardness-of-heart will spread like thistles in an untended garden. Do you have those where you live? Without some harsh chemicals or fierce pulling from the root, they are uncontrollable!



And so the pulling began. Hard work, but worth it work. And that was just the first cancer, twelve years ago.....

"You would make Christianity pleasant and acceptable. Your Savior did not find it so. You would make it comfortable and accomodating to your schedule. He knew nothing of such a false religion." Frances J. Roberts