Expectations

We're a very results oriented society.

We want to do and fix when many times we're being called to sit and listen.

My temperament lends itself to being a Mary; to being still.  The challenge with that is not allowing the enemy to convince me that I'm unproductive.  When immediate results cannot be seen, it's tempting to think that what you're doing has no value.

Resist the urge to move and just settle.

Settle right where you are and wait and listen.

The crippled beggar in Acts 3, settled himself daily at the temple gate called Beautiful, to beg for sustenance.  He had the mindset of expectation.  So when John and Peter showed up and Peter said, "Look at us!", he gave them his full attention.  Little did he know that he would receive far more than a few coins.  He would receive healing.  Glorious jumping and praising wholeness!  A miracle that incited wonder and amazement in the people watching.  And no doubt, a seed of longing set in their hearts for the freedom exhibited in his dance.

Do we sit long enough, with expectant belief, to even hear God say, "Look at me!"

Are we just looking for the temporary, a fix for today's circumstance, when we could be believing for a miracle?

Do we believe the words that say, "to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine."  Ephesians 3:20

I needed a miracle and people were watching.  And I've given all the glory to Him.  The temptation has been what to "do" next.  I've jumped into that and done some things.  But now I know that they were for me and not for Him.

He's wanted me right here, waiting expectantly, face turned up, listening.

The quiet work of praying and seeking is sacred.  It has value, not always seen by the world, but value none the less.

Great value to Him.

And isn't that why we're running this race to begin with?  To glorify, honor, praise and worship Him?
To set aside our ambition and be wholly devoted?

Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all shall be added.....and it might be far greater than anything our finite minds can even imagine!

Expectant,

Deb

A New Gift

I have the great privilege, in this season, to get up at my leisure and then sit and meditate and pray and read for hours.  There is no limit.  There is no clock watching.  There is no urgency.

I didn't recognize it at first.  My mind and body were trained to follow the clock.  No matter where my heart was in reflection, I had to stop to meet the needs of my family.  And don't get me wrong, that was a great privilege too.

But this is new.  And I'm feeling it out.  My time is more of an easy conversation.  There is no rush to get all I feel I need to say into a limited slot.

If my heart is moved to grieve, I grieve.
If my heart is moved to rejoice, I rejoice.
If my heart is moved to be still, I am still.

I breathe and I'm aware of each breath.
I think and I'm aware of each thought.

He keeps me slow.  I like slow.  I fit in slow.  I belong in slow.

And it is the gift I've been given after all of the trial, all of the trauma in the last fifteen years.  It is a gift I almost missed by saying yes instead of no, by speaking instead of listening, by going instead of staying.

Thank you Jesus.  Thank you Heavenly Father.  Thank you Holy Spirit.

Thank you.

 ^"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33

 

Meeting Friends In Costco

So I'm at lunch with my dear friend Linda and we decide that our next stop would be Costco.  I've done this for years with various friends.  Only women would include grocery shopping as part of their social outing!  We do the usual mosey around, determine if it's too early to buy Christmas decorations (no it's not), try a few samples, tell each other what we usually buy and why and so on and so on...pleasant.

I was first through the checkout and while waiting for Linda, I noticed some of my favorite crackers in another woman's cart.  "How did I miss those?" I said.  "Oh, they're so delicious and they're on sale!" she said.   And so we chat about Mary's Gone Crackers, about how they're organic and gluten free and ON SALE!  At this point, she introduces herself and her two friends and I give her my name.  She then commented on my hair color and I commented on hers.  Again, only women!  I admit that mine was not "mine" and she asked what color it was.  As happens with me often, the cancer subject surfaced.  "Mine is actually a mousey brown with gray in it" I said.  New friend number 3 pipes up and says, "and I have chemo curl".

Well you can imagine where it went from there.  A cancer sister.  She asked me what kind I had had and I told her stage 3 breast and leukemia and she said she also had had stage 3 breast and now it was in her bones.  I'll never forget the next few moments.  I moved the five feet it took to get to her and hugged her like only a sister can.  I honestly don't remember my exact words but they were straight from The Spirit, healing and blessing words, not my words but His.  And the power went out of me and into her.  Have you felt that?  That rush of energy with tingles attached?  Oh, it's good.  It's love and joy and healing and blessing and light all rolled into moments.

So we start to head our separate ways.  Precious Linda has been waiting patiently!  I take one look back and new friend number 1 makes one more comment.  "We were wondering about your sweater.  It's the color of a mustard seed.  Would you happen to have faith...."  That's where I cut her off and said, "oh it's much much larger than a mustard seed!"

This was a divine appointment that I would have missed had I been rushing, had I had my head down, had I not been expecting and hoping to see God in my day.

It is my prayer for this new empty nest season.  Lord, that I would be hyper aware of the moments with meaning that are planned just for me to be used by You.

Just for me to give You the glory You are due.

Just for me to be the hands and feet.

Just for You.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Galations 2:20

Love to you this day,

Deb  

It is about this time of year, that I get weepy grateful.  The kind where you sit with full intention to pray and meditate on God's perfect word and the second you shut your eyes, your face crumples.....

five years after a leukemia diagnosis, fourteen years after a breast cancer diagnosis, twenty-nine years after the saving grace of Jesus Christ came into my life.

This is an entry from my Caringbridge website written exactly five years ago today:

 Oct 19, 2007 7:29am

Good morning dear friends,
I'm sitting in the quiet as I do every morning. A bit of peace before for the day kicks in. I talk to the One who holds my very life in the palm of His hand. His spirit settles in and fills me with the love and grace I need for today. My day without this proves to be unsettled, frantic, unproductive - running on my own steam which fades quickly and is never enough. I freely admit that I cannot do this life on my own. There is nothing in me able to walk through the tough stuff or even the daily grind stuff. So I set aside my human nature and ask Him to fill me with His. That is what you witness when you say I'm an inspiration, courageous, brave, strong - it's Him. He brings the perfect peace and comfort I need for this day - and then the next and the next and the next. I hope you take some minutes to pause before your day starts and breathe out all of your worry and stress and then invite the Spirit of the Living God to fill that place in you that was meant for Him. Nothing else will fit there - just Him. You will feel unsettled in your soul, not completely satisfied, until you allow Him to live there.
Bless your day - love, Deb

With or without cancer, this is exactly what I need.  Oh, my physical body has healed in many ways, but my deep need for His presence to keep me peaceful, hasn't changed.  And I'm so grateful that no matter what I let get in the way, I can turn back and enter into the calm again.

Ever-present and perfect peace.  We all need it.


"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, shall rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

Psalm 91:1

I've been studying our God in the old testament.  Shock and awe, a holy reverence, a healthy fear....an epic read to say the least.

Where has He gone in our lives?  The Father of the Holy Trinity.

Did you tremble as a child, waiting for your father's judgement after you'd done something wrong?  If you were parented well, there was just consequence without abuse.  I wasn't parented at all by my biological father, so this part of my understanding of the Godhead has been slow in coming.

I've gone through some hard, hard stuff, truly for my greater good.  I really believe that.  Generations of sin and wrong teaching needed to be undone and because He loves like that, He allowed me to hurt and agonize and push through to the other side.  Rending out the wrong and replacing it with right.

Last weekend I watched my fourth and last child graduate from high school.  Almost fourteen years prior, with a stage three breast cancer diagnosis, I prayed, "Lord, just let me live to see my children graduate."  Would I have prayed that prayer knowing what lie ahead of me.....treatment that took me to the brink of death, a marriage hanging by a thread, leukemia with another bone marrow transplant, again the brink of death.  I'm not so sure I would have.

My Father knew what was coming and He still answered my prayer with a yes.  He saw my days and knew all of the fathering I had missed would be gained through His way.

Not the easy way.

Not the way I would have knowingly prayed for, but His omniscient way.

"I will not die but live,
    and will proclaim what the Lord has done. 

 The Lord has chastened me severely,
    but He has not given me over to death."

Psalm 118:17-18

I've been told I have the spirit of an over-comer.

So do you.

If  you have the Holy Spirit of God living in you, so do you!

So hang on.  Cling to the wise Words in the perfect Book.

You will not die, but live!

 

In His grip,
Deb

The Book

Have  you ever really thought about the advantage we have in owning a Bible?

Think about it....a Person who wants to know us and already loves us, has given us a book telling us all about Him.

Nobody does that!  We don't get a manual from our future spouse when we make a commitment to marry.  Can you imagine that?  We'd be so far ahead of the game.  We'd know the right love language, how he thinks, what makes him angry, what brings him to tears, how he treats his mother! and children, what his morals and values are, what his willingness to sacrifice for us and our future family looks like, and on and on....

And speaking of family, what if they came with a book.....
        our in-laws,
                            our parents,
                                               our children.......our teenagers!

We have such an incredible advantage having this Living Word at our disposal.

If you don't know God or you think He's hard to figure out, lets be honest, do you really have any excuse?

We will read any other book to learn to do just about any other thing, but for some reason (can you say evil...pooh!), we're not always willing to invest our precious time into knowing the most important Person we will ever meet.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ."    Philippians 1-10


Humbled by His mercy,
Deb 

More Gratitude

I was so fortunate to WIN a signed one thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp...what a  complete surprise!  That's the second time I've won a book from a blog and I'm not the winning type.  No million dollars from a McDonald's scratch off, no million dollar dream home from HGTV, nothin!!  But this book is so dear to my heart and I know the Lord knows that, so what a precious gift to receive while battling shingles, nonetheless.  I have it on my Kindle, but it's just not the same.  It's the kind of book that will be so marked up, so highlighted, so tear stained, so looooooooooooooooved, that an e-reader just can't cut the mustard.  Her poetic style of writing must be read slowly and digested in little bits.

As I attempt to record 1,000 things to be grateful for in this year, my mind is stretched to think beyond the obvious.  Grateful is good and I like the idea of developing that mindset.  But to take it a step further, and just like prayer, not necessarily get caught up in our circumstances, but be able to thank for the SEEING of God in our circumstances.

That way we wouldn't only be thanking for the good (in our limited vision) things, but also for the hard.

It's a broader view.  It's seeing with His eyes, which through the power of the Holy Spirit, is possible.

Having the Spirit of an overcomer, this should have been obvious to me, and I really think that in my heart it was, but my mind still wanted to just record the sunny day or the great meal or the new job.

How to record the peace and comfort pulled through the pain of my latest illness, the opportunity for stillness because I couldn't rush my physically ill body, the joy of a praise song that took my mind from the meaningless and moved it to meditation?

Lets sit with that.

It takes more time to see past the obvious.  Time with Him.

And would we be so inclined to take that time if everything was easy?  If everything sat on the surface and took no introspection?

Oh, how proud we would be, wouldn't we?

I hope you chew on that.  And I hope you check out Ann's book.  And her blog.



"Let the peace of Christ rule in your  hearts, since as members of one body you were  called to peace.  And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."  Colossians 3:15-17


By His grace alone,
Deb